"Don’t give in to worry or anger; it only leads to trouble.”
Psalm 37:8
Billy was gasping for breath. He was trying to run from a bad mistake. He knew that he had problems with anger, but didn't realize it could esculate to something this bad. Standing at the top of his street, he was catching his breath, replaying in his mind what had just happened. He was with his wife, Clara in the kitchen arguing about money. Yelling led to screaming and then dishes and cups went airborne. His rage led him to pick up the closest object. A glass hit the kitchen counter and shattered into many small pieces. Clara felt one of the pieces hit her neck. Billy was scared, shocked and didn't know what to do. He left the house running. He thought to himself "what have I done?" "what should I do? If I call for help, I am going to be in trouble." After running for a few minutes, Billy stopped at the edge of his street and decided to go back. He wanted to make sure Clara was alright and he didn't care if that meant being arrested for a domestic violence charge. When he walked in the house, Clara was trying to stop the bleeding with a dish towel. He called 911 and the ambulance was there in no time. Thankfully, Clara was fine and needed stiches. Billy on the other hand, was not alright. He finally realized that he needed help with his anger.
Anger is a basic human emotion. We all get angry at times, and it can serve to re-energize us, and help us express negative feelings. But it can also get out of control where it becomes destructive and dangerous. How do we know when our anger is out of control? When we have verbal agression towards others (calling people names; putting them down, telling them they are no good, a mistake etc); Always feeling Angry (not having a lot of joy in your life); Resentment towards others - not being able to forgive and holding onto grudges. Getting upset at petty and small things; Hurting others verbally and physically. Other people telling you that you need help with anger.
Of course when it escalates to a physical altercation, like the situation with Billy and Clara it becomes more than a moderate problem, but a very serious one. When police and the judicial system are involved, it is definitley smart to work towards a solution. The person who assaulted the other, would probably be madated by the court system to complete anger management classes or to attend therapy with a mental health professional. These are great strategies by the judicial system. However in order for the person to change his/her behavior, that person has to "want to" change. It has to come from the person's inner will to do better.
When I worked at a jail diversion program, I led a lot of the anger management classes. I helped the men and women understand their anger, where it came from and how to manage it. The number one reason why people fly off the handle or go from 0 to 60 is related to a trauma response. What is a trauma response you might ask? It is when we respond to something or someone in the present that reminds us of a past traumatic event. However, our brains do not connect the two (past and present). It's an automatic response by becoming reactive in the moment. We either fight back (with yelling and screaming) or we run and hide (flee). Our bodies do this because our nervous system has not healed from the trauma. The body is trying to catch up to the present when it is in the past. The goal in managing anger is to find out what our triggers are and to heal from them.
Once we know what the triggers are, we can avoid them, or learn how to deal with the triggers. Some things that help with anger in a preventative way are:
Eating regualry thoughout the day. When the body is hungry and blood sugar levels drop low, a person is more easily angered.
Taking care of the body by exercising, walking, running, going to the gym
Find an outlet for anger such as martial arts, hunting, archery or another sport
Meditation and deep breathing exercises.
Healing the vagus nerve (cold showers, message therapy, breathing exercises)
Keep a gratitude journal
Some things that help with anger in the moment:
Use positive self talk. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
Say to yourself "this is not worth it"or "think of the consequenes if I do this."
Tell the person you can talk about the situation at another time when he/she is calm
Walk away from the situtauion/person
Take deep breaths; breathing exercises
Count to ten Now, that we have addressed anger is related to past trauma, lets discuss how there can be a spiritual side of anger. What I mean by spiritual is that, there are good spirits and bad spirits. Goodness (good spirit) comes from God. The bad spirits are from the enemy or satan. When a person dabbles with the occult (practicing witchcraft, reading tarot cards, playing with ouija boards, going to a psychic, giving power to crystals and new age practices) it opens the door to an influence of an evil spirit. This spirit is opposite of God's Spirit which is peace and love. The spirit of the devil is anger, revenge and hatred. This can lead a person to do things that is not in his/her usual character. It is not their true idenity or their true self. It can take over a person leaving the person feeling depressed and angry all the time. Unforgiveness, alcohol and drug addiction, unconfessed repetitive sin are also open doors that allow a person to become open to negativity. Even though a person can open the door to a bad spirit, that person can also close it by inviting Jesus into his/her life. So, how do we close those doors and get more of Jesus in our lives? The first way is an invitation. We can invite Jesus into our hearts by saying this simple prayer - "Jesus, you know that I get angry at times and it is hard to control my anger. I repent of my anger and of all my sins. Please come into my heart and give me your peace. Help me to control my anger. Help me to have more peaceful interactions with everyone I meet today. Amen."
The second way is, to repent of the sin of anger (and any other sins). Bring it to confession and talk to the priest if this is something you struggle with. Jesus is there in the confessional. Jesus works through the priest and will help you. Great graces are given in the Sacrament of Reconcilitation. The third way is to recieve Him in the Eucharist. Catholics have the opportunity to recieve the Eucharist daily. Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist and the more you recieve Him, the more peace you will have since Jesus is peace. The fourth way is to spend some time in Adoration. This is where the Eucharist is in the monstrance on the altar. Spending a half hour, 45 minutes or an hour is time well spent. You are literally sitting in Jesus' presence. The more time spent in Adoration, the more peace you will have in your soul. The fifth way is in Unbound Prayer. This is deliverance where a person renounces anger. This is done with a team of people. Some of the prayer sounds something like this: "In the name of Jesus, I renounce the spirit of anger or In the name of Jesus, I forgive (person fills in the person's name) for ......and they fill in the blank." Unbound prayer is a very powerful healing ministry. If you would like to learn about Unbound prayer, go to heartofthefather.com. There are many prayer teams across the country.
If anger goes unaddressed, it gives a foothold to the devil. It is mentioned in the bible 268 times. Scripture explains that anger can lead to sin. It says in Ephesians 4:26 " Be angry and do not sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil. " Meaning that a person has to control his/her anger so it does not lead to rage, resentment or murder. It also mentions the effects of anger in Galatians 5:19-21 it says "outbursts of anger are listed as one of the deeds of the flesh." The more we have of the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, the more we are able to control our anger and defeat the devil.
In Conclusion: We all get angry at times, but we need to be aware of how it affects us and how it affects others in our lives. We are meant to be peaceful people. If we feel our anger is out of control, it is important to get help right away. Contact a mental health professional, or a spiritual director. Talk to a friend or talk with the person directly who you feel needs help. Hope is always on the horizen!
About the Author: Donna L. Marotto is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Director of Faith Formation in the Diocese of Springfield, MA and a Lay Franciscan. If you would like to email her, please do so at marottodonna8@gmail.com or visit her website at Youarelovedministry.com. She also published a book titled Love Changes Everything that can be purchased on Amazon.
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